The role models young men need aren’t going to be found on social media

19 March 2025, 14:55

Gareth Southgate gets it—now we need systems that do, too.

At the BBC’s annual Richard Dimbleby lecture, Gareth Southgate spoke about the deep harm being caused by online influencers who exploit the gap in support for young men, offering advice that ultimately only serves their own narrow interests, and at a great cost to young men and society.  "They willingly trick young men into believing that success is measured by money or dominance, that strength means never showing emotion, and that the world, including women, is against them."

In a week that’s seen the release of Netflix’s highly acclaimed drama, Adolescence, the most extreme consequences of this influence have been on the minds of many parents and teachers.

Yet, to prevent harm, we need to see this as a mainstream issue. We desperately need to provide young men with space to explore their questions about relationships, their part in the world, and the future, and we need communities and involved adults supporting our young people.

Southgate highlighted the importance of role models for young men, from coaches to teachers and youth workers. But for these mentors to truly make a difference, they need support too.

Teachers need training to confidently navigate conversations about relationships and wellbeing. Schools need funding for pastoral support, and to provide experts to provide space for the more challenging explorations for young men and masculinities. Coaches must develop communication skills that go beyond gameplay tactics, including emotional literacy and relationships.

At Beyond Equality, we’ve seen firsthand how small changes in approach can transform the spaces where young men learn and grow. We’ve worked with hundreds of teachers, coaches, and community leaders, helping them shift from reacting to challenges with authority to guiding with empathy and understanding of the experiences the boys have.

In schools, we’ve supported teachers who want to better understand how boys process emotions. In football academies, we’ve helped coaches recognise the unspoken pressures young players feel, creating environments where boys are encouraged to express vulnerability rather than suppress it.

Crucially, we also do direct work with tens of thousands of young men. So much of what men and boys have been taught about relationships, strength and mental well-being is outdated and not serving them. This work has included direct challenges to the ideas they’re frequently exposed to that tell them women are against them.

Over the past three years we have seen a disturbing rise, particularly in schools and online, of explicitly sexist attitudes. Street harassment rates remain high, women teachers have faced abuse in classrooms, and digital violence and harassment is rife.

Men have a particularly important role to play in creating this change. Many adult men in our workshops, reflecting on their own childhoods, recognise that they were never given real tools to look after themselves emotionally. The approaches they learned—bottling things up, pushing through in silence—often left them isolated rather than resilient. Sometimes it’s not until they are older men, retired, going through bereavement counselling that they start to develop the language and skills to process their own emotions.

Now, many of these same men want to provide something better for the next generation—but they need support to do so. But for this to happen, more new dads, including those who are self-employed, need a decent amount of paid paternity leave to give them the space and resources to get to grips with fatherhood. All fathers and all families need decent pay, working conditions and in-work benefits that enable them to take time away from work to support their families when they need to.

We should be aware of the way types of employment and access to flexible hours impact these opportunities to maintain ongoing relationships. Boys need role models and mentors—but we can’t expect the adults in their lives to fill these roles without systems that enable them.

Positive voices like Gareth Southgate’s, who acknowledge men’s struggles while offering hope, are a step in the right direction. The question now is: how do we ensure that every teacher, coach, youth worker, and parent has what they need to guide the next generation?

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Dan Guinness is managing director of Beyond Equality.

Holly Green is head of Head of Quality, Learning and Impact at Beyond Equality.

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